As you all know, June welcomed me and my closest friends (who are also bloggers) Lissa Kahayon and Patricia Prieto with a bang... and not the good kind. Apparently, a fellow fashion blogger and an acquaintance we all know in the blog-o-sphere has been bashing us and saying mean and terrible things about is behind our back. At exactly 2:24 PM, I received a tweet from a twitter user KarmaFashPolice which prompted me to visit a link. The exact tweet reads:
I clicked the link and was quite surprised with that I saw, right smack in front of me, were damning words, words I could not stomach ever being said about me at all. I am used to being hated on, mind you. But to see the hatred right in front of me... screen captured, copied and pasted was too much to bear. What have I ever done to deserve this?
It really hurts especially when 1) you thought this person was genuinely nice to you 2) you never deserved anything that was said, given you never did anything to her directly to get that kind of negativity. Not wanting to believe the allegations (I live by the "Innocent until proven guilty" school of thought), so I tweeted, "#FashionBloggers support each other here in the Phils, sincerely. #fortherecord clarify the issue before passing judgment" which I think is fair considering the things being put out there were quite damning and can totally damage a person's reputation and I needed to hear this person's side of the story...for an explanation or a reason behind what was going on.
At exactly 5:26 PM, I got my answer...
I didn't quite know how to take it--- how can people just bash at random? Is bashing supposed to be a hobby now? I feel the apology, if you could call it that, was for the fact that things were released to the public. The reason behind the hatred & bashing,were never accounted for. I deserved a better "apology" and an explanation... than this.
Looking back in 2007, when I started this whole blogging thing with Chictopia.com, I decided I needed an outlet to share my fashion choices and personal style, back then,to a small blogging world. More so, it was quite a handy tool for me- I used to chronicle in my Moleskine journal my outfit on a daily basis, so taking a photo, uploading it and seeing it on archive, seemed like the perfect solution for keeping track of my ensembles. Think of it as having Cher Horowitz's (from Clueless) outfit matching software but way better.
Many times I have spoken about drama in this blog of mine. Many times, I have complained about my life having too much of it and many times I have rejoiced finally it has become drama-free. However as I write this entry and contemplate why I do keep a blog in the first place—it probably is that I have to admit my life is so full of drama (stylewise or lifestylewise) and the reason that I have suffered so much implications for writing about it is that people are interested in drama (the same way soaps have been a staple in television programming). I have come to the conclusion that if you are reading this blog, it probably is because:
(1) You truly are interested in my life and do care for me and need a constant update on my thoughts and my feelings but cannot seem to be in constant communication with me due to geographical limitations (this applies to loved ones and long lost friends who are up there or down under.)
(2) You want to know about the latest fashion trends- such as color blocking, my bipolar fashion sense, skinny jeans or what latest brand it is I currently adore especially through my: daily outfit posts. For reasons that you cannot fathom, I feel good whenever I do post such because I do care that people know what is in and what is so not. It is not about being shallow or superficial but more of this- I just love fashion and getting all dolled up. I want to make the world a better and more beautiful place, even in my own little way.
(3) You read my blog because you loathe me in the purest and most unspeakable form and that every post is subject to interpretation, for your part. For these people who view my page to find new reasons to hate me and talk about me, drama in my life is essential- they thrive for it and at many times, crave and pray that it comes in whirl wind form so that maybe I can just vanish from the face of the earth. For such people everything I do is wrong and everything I write negatively is about them—although rest assure, I am saying with all my heart that whatever I write is not concentrated solely on one group of people but to many and that being that we are in a free country, I will not apologize for being this way.
For those who read my blog entries and view my pages for the first two reasons, I extend my sincerest thank you’s for being truly concerned and for trusting my judgment and fashion choices. I love these people for they provide for me the support and the wisdom (through replies) that I do get. These really make my day and you cannot imagine my gratitude for always reading my blog word per word And replying to it incessantly. I love you guys.
For those who do read this with the sole intention to scrutinize me and berate me, all I can say is this: turn off your monitor, block my page from your internet explorer, firewall me, shut down your computer and never visit my site again. I make my blog public because I want to hear different things from different people but if the things I hear are hurtful and detrimental to both myself and my family’s sake, I need to put a stop to it and I am begging you to stop.
I am too ADD to keep up with the latest gossip, making me the friend you can spill every sordid detail to about your life and I will not tell a single soul. Rumors would only bother me if I thought for a second that people take rumors and gossip seriously. But to those who care enough to know the truth, I would like to clarify that.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. People love talking about people who succeed, even I do sometimes since it makes me feel good to highlight their flaws amidst their glitz and glamour. I never ever do this to my friends or acquaintances without just cause.
I make REAL friends. And i do not make enemies. I am sincere when I speak with people and I am real with what I show. I do not get close to people to fish out information I can and might use against them when necessary.I will tell you to your face when I despise your actions. I do not hold grudges nor can I stand being plastic to someone I am disappointed with. I do not fight back and I have nothing to say to those who pretend to want to be my friend then speak about me to other people. If I hate your guts, I will make you feel it, you will know about it and I will tell you then and there and that means I still have an ounce of care for you. When I ignore you completely or do not even acknowledge your existence that means you have been written off and therefore you are no longer are a human being for me based on how hurt I have been and how low you have gone from what you have done.
I don’t have any secrets left to tell. One thing I’ve learned since I was traumatized and damaged by too much nervous breakdowns and relationship falling outs is how much I treasure my family and the real friends who have been with me through all my ups and downs--- they are more valuable than the Manolo Blahnik Embellished Stilettos we all have to line up for since like only 400 items were produced in the world.
"There are only a few people left in my life whom I trust implicitly and who totally trust me back. I used to think that was bad until someone pointed out to me that really, we can trust NO ONE. I realized the truth: true friends are like diamonds--- bright, beautiful, and valuable and always in style. You only need a few diamonds- including the one for the finger. Having fun with these diamonds is the least destructive drug. Even though I witnessed all the drama I have been exposed to since my life virtually became a live feed, I am currently experiencing how establishing relationships with people is like a giant magnifying glass--- and that only a perfect diamond looks good THAT close up. Is anyone perfect? No. As real people, we are flawed. And even if you adore me and think of me as one of the greatest girls you’ll ever know, my diamond is rough. I am no exception.
I guess that’s the thing about diamonds, they’re the most valuable things in the world, but what really makes them priceless is the people that give them to you. They may signify wealth, but they can actually mean so much more like commitment, family, and love. And there’s nothing like the perfect diamond to remind you that you’ll never be perfect. I will never be perfect… the truth is all I can do is try.”
xx
PS: I love my Woo girls, Patricia Prieto, Lissa Kahayon and Nina Estacio. Let's keep our heads up sweeties and let the other people do the sucking in for us.
PPS: I love putting makeup and to those who have a problem with that, deal with it. It's my face. If you can't stand the fact I wear MAC's Pink Noveau, NARS Cheek stain and Bobbi Brown's BB Cream to the beach, then get your own face, and go with it au naturel.
PPPS: Thanks KarmaFashPolice for getting the truth out there. I guess we just all have to know who to really trust...at least we know. For the record, i think KarmaFashPolice did us service,the ugly truth is better than a best dressed lie.
PPPPS: Despite all the hassle, the anger, the hatred, I can still say with 110% confidence that: Fashion Bloggers in the Philippines ROCK! And we all love and support each other. With the exception of some, we don't compete, that is the truth.
Casey (who sent such a sweet msg. via DM in twitter)
and Diane (who messaged me in FB such a touching msg):
